


What Almost Was

by RiHouston



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alistair Theirin - Freeform, Cullen Rutherfod, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Lady Inquisitor Trevelyan, Trevelyan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 08:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4912639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiHouston/pseuds/RiHouston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story of Lady Inquisitor Trevelyan having to deal with leading the Inquisition both on the battlefield and through politics.  Gaining alliances is one of the larger hurdles they face since all the nations are weary of letting the Inquisition to grow too strong, but Ferelden's offer of a marital alliance between the Inquisitor and King Alistair Theirin looks to be an offer almost too good to refuse.  Even though the Inquisitor has feelings for the Commander of her armies, she is not sure of how he feels about her before the offer is brought up for her consideration.  With the Ferelden monarch visiting Skyhold, the Inquisitor has a very important decision to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The cool breeze picked up the fragrance from the blooms in the courtyard as Lady Elayne Trevelyan and the Commander of the Inquisition Forces sat leaning over the chessboard on the table between them contemplating their next move. With the sun shining brightly through the heavy foliage twined around the trellis above them and the birds singing out to each other, the idyllic scene went unappreciated by the pair. Cullen's hand reached out and moved one of his chess pieces as the Herald started plotting her next maneuver. Smiling and leaning back, Cullen observed the Inquisitor while she was engrossed in deciding what to do. "You know, this may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition or related matters." Cullen mused aloud as Elayne looked over at him. Leaning forward in his chair, he rested his forearms on the table and looked up at her with an unreadable look in his eyes, "To be honest, I appreciate the distraction."

Elayne glanced down at the chess board and tried to sound casual in her reply, "We should spend more time together." 

The Commander's eyes widened a little in surprise at her directness, "I would...like that." 

Smiling at his surprise and response, Elayne looked directly at Cullen as she made her move on the chess board, "Me too."

Cullen's smiles were rare and a wonderful thing to witness. His voice grew softer and deeper as he turned his attention to their game, "You said that." Looking up the Commander in surprise, she saw his smile and returned it with one of her own. "We should...finish our game, right? My turn?" He asked as he studied the board with the pieces laid out once more after Elayne nodded. 

Elayne sat back and started to appreciate her surroundings. It was no longer about a chess game, but about the comfortable company she had found in Cullen's presence. The sound of water trickling through the fountain nearby, the fragrance of the blooming trees and flowers hanging heavy in the air-it was easy to briefly forget the ordeals they had all survived to be able to enjoy this moment. For this fleeting moment, rather than recall those that fell in Haven, she was able to appreciate that so many had safely escaped to Skyhold and that she had played a part in that. 

After some time had passed, Cullen looked over the board before declaring, "I believe this game is yours. Well played. We shall have to try again sometime." He reached out and started replacing the pieces back on the board and Elayne helped reset the pieces on her side of the board.

"I appreciate the game, you are a formidable opponent Commander." Elayne smiled at him as he stood there, the sun gleaming off his armor and making him appear every bit like one of the knights in tales sung by visiting bards when they stayed at her family's estate in the Free Marches. 

Cullen inclined his head to her in appreciation for the compliment, "As are you Inquisitor. I will see you later." Cullen headed off in the direction of stairs that led to the Keep's outer wall as Elayne headed towards the armory to check in on stocks. As she walked away, she was thinking about what she had scheduled later that afternoon and didn't look back at the Commander who had paused to take in the sight of the Inquisitor among the flowering trees and shrubs, the sunlight dancing off her red hair. He watched the gentle swaying of her hips a few moments before he started up the steps. The downtime had proven to be quite a welcome distraction indeed.

*****  
Six weeks had passed since that sunny day in the gardens and Elayne hardly spent any time at Skyhold since being named Inquisitor. Constantly traveling to close rifts, the Herald and her companions had crisscrossed many nearby regions eliminating the darkspawn and demons threatening towns and villages while building up the Inquisition's reputation and people's hope that the world wasn't ending. It always seemed like there was something more to be done, there were always people in need, desperate for help and unsure of where to turn to. The Inquisition was filling the void left by the Chantry's inability to help even itself after the destruction at the Conclave. The Inquisition brought hope to people who felt forgotten promising them that they would help keep the world from falling into darkness. The horrors and despair that the Herald and her companions faced made it hard to imagine there ever being an end to the chaos Corypheus had unleashed upon the world. No matter how much she accomplished, the Inquisitor found herself nearly overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of demons they had faced. 

At camp, the Herald would sit and listen to the stories spoken by her companions and a few of the soldiers stationed at the outposts. Hearing them talk about their respective homelands and families reminded them all of happier times and what they were fighting so hard for, though it only kept the darkness at bay so long. After a long stretch of time spent traveling, the feeling of unending battle gave a sense of hopelessness to the companions that seemed to hang around them even after settling in at the camp after a long day. Even though Elayne wanted to return to Skyhold, the guilt she felt over leaving people in need that she had yet to reach weighed on her making her continue on. In truth, if it weren't for Josephine sending a dispatch to her in the Hinterlands regarding something that needed the Herald's immediate presence at Skyhold, Elayne would have been gone at least another few weeks with all the troubles she kept running into. 

Breathing in the crisp mountain air as she stood overlooking the mountains on the balcony of her chambers Elayne felt a moment's peace and tried to hold onto that feeling as she closed her eyes. The anchor hummed with power, it always felt like small electrical bolts pulsing up her arm, but whenever she drew near a rift the feeling felt like an explosion of energy making her wonder if her arm had been ripped from her. For now she ignored the hum and pulsing light focusing on drawing in and out the fresh air and trying to become as calm and serene as the mountains surrounding her. 

"A message for you Herald." Those five simple words destroyed the calm feeling she had been trying to build within herself.

Turning, she faced the messenger, her emerald eyes watching him as she held out her hand for the report he was carrying. "Thank you." Her manner and attitude was commanding, expecting, and belying the uncertainty she felt being looked at as something other than herself. She had to live up to the ideal even if she felt she wasn't what the people deserved. Opening the report, she saw the beautiful rounded writing of her raven haired adviser as the messenger left her room. The note was informing her that the war council had been summoned and were now awaiting her to join them. Walking by her desk, Elayne picked up the bundle of parchments she had place there before heading to the meeting.

****

All the advisers were standing by the war table talking idly until the she opened the door. The immediate silence that greeted her arrival into the room never went unnoticed by her. Their manners turned a bit more formal with the Spymaster crossing her arms over her chest and the Commander gripping the pommel of his sword with both hands. Josephine nodded her greeting as she angled her hip so that her arm holding the clipboard rested comfortably against her hip as the other hand held her quill at the ready, "Inquisitor, a request has been received from Denerim. As you know, the Inquisition needs to start focusing on building alliances and as much as the crown appreciates our help in Ferelden, we are now an armed force independent of their sovereignty within their borders. To say the nobles are all on edge is inadequate. Our growing influence is making many of them nervous, especially when many of the current nobles were standing on opposing sides with one another not long ago when the Blight nearly took Ferelden. The King of Ferelden and his adviser, Bann Teagan are currently on their way to meet the Inquisitor and to see the Inquisition forces for themselves. I thought it would be best for them to meet with us and see that the Inquisition isn't a threat to the king's sovereignty."

"So Skyhold is going to entertain the King of Ferelden and his retinue. I understand their fears, especially with the world thrown into chaos before they have finished with their rebuilding efforts, but I don't understand what my presence will add to this visit. Wouldn't it have been better if I were absent since it might put the King and his adviser on the offensive?" Political posturing and proving who is better than who was a trite old game that made everyone who played poorly look obnoxious, but it was a necessity to maneuver through that dance with others, especially when you resided within their borders.

Josephine looked at her parchment weighing her words before answering the Herald, "Ferelden wishes to build an alliance with the Inquisition before we grow larger and more powerful. They are in a delicate situation and our support and proximity would grant them as much of an advantage as it would for us, though possibly they would benefit a little more. The King needs to solidify his standing with the people as their ruler having only resided on the throne a few years and not having been brought up in court. The King of Ferelden is a bit..." Josephine tried to search for a word adequate to describe the King without sounding offensive.

"Rough around the edges." Leliana finished off for her. "King Alistair was raised by the Chantry and had been preparing to become a Templar before he was conscripted into the Grey Wardens." Elayne recalled that Leliana knew the King personally having traveled alongside him and the Warden during the Blight. "There are a lot of rumors and with Ferelden still rebuilding and recovering from the losses they sustained during the Blight, there are a lot of nobles looking to elevate their position." Leliana looked at Josephine thoughtfully, "I know the King, and he isn't one to waste the effort of putting in appearances." The Spymaster gave the petite adviser a calculating look and Josephine tried to pretend not to notice.

Josephine looked at the Herald a little embarrassed, "The request from Denerim requested that the negotiations should consider the possibility of an alliance through marriage so that the Inquisition and the Crown have an unshakable treaty and one that would benefit us even after we dissolve." At the news, Cullen shifted his feet uncomfortably, something Elayne didn't notice though the Spymaster had as she suddenly grew interested in the exchange.

Elayne frowned thoughtfully at Josephine, "I can understand their worry of our forces, but do you honestly think that Cassandra will agree to an alliance like this?" 

"I believe that the Inquisitor, leader of the Inquisition's forces is the one they seek in this alliance." Leliana had answered for Josephine not wanting them to dance around the matter. It was an intriguing idea to have the King and Inquisitor ally through marriage though Cullen's reaction to it piqued her curiosity.

Elayne looked at Josephine in wide eyed disbelief as that meaning behind Leliana's casual answer sunk in, "Cassandra's a Nevarran princess and integral to the Inquisition. She is a stronger candidate for this alliance. I am only a noble from the Free Marches. Surely they are asking after our Seeker for this alliance?" 

Cullen had blanched a little at the Herald mentioning her nobility status. He had never thought...he couldn't believe he had never considered it before. To him, her being the leader of the Inquisition was something he had yet to reconcile with how he felt about her.

Josephine's confirmation interrupted his thoughts, "The request stated that they were interested in allying the King of Ferelden with Lady Inquisitor Trevelyan." Josephine knew this would be a delicate matter to broach and she shot an accusing look at Leliana for bringing it up so coarsely. Reassuring the Herald, she continued to explain, "This is only a request, a suggestion. It isn't something you would be forced into, only an opportunity that should be considered. I thought with your presence here it would help ascertain whether such an alliance would be a possibility as well as have you meet with the Ferelden dignitaries to put their fears to rest. As you can imagine, the stories of you are...fanciful. I believe it would put them at ease to meet you themselves."

Elayne's mind was still reeling at Josephine's news but she maintained her composure to cover the fact that she was caught complete off guard with something so personal being discussed in the same manner as any other matter needing her to address it. "I appreciate you bringing this opportunity to my attention. I believe that I'll need a little time to adjust to the possibilities this would bring to our cause." 

Cullen gave a small cough and Leliana was now keenly aware that this subject had made the general a little uncomfortable by the flush on his cheeks as he shifted his feet once more. "My scouts have been shadowing their caravan and estimate that they will arrive early tomorrow evening." Leliana looked over at the map and placed a marker down to represent the caravan. Directing the attention of her fellow advisers towards another marker, Leliana decided to move on to start reporting on other reports she had received from her scouts in surrounding areas, "According to the latest reports we've received from Crestwood..."

***

It was late by the time the meeting finished and Elayne was looking forward to the bath she had requested to be drawn. Entering her bedchambers she was greeted with the pleasant sight of a large tub sitting off to the side of the fireplace with a view looking out of the windows of her balcony. The steam rolling off the water's surface looked inviting and she shrugged out of each article of clothing laying them carefully out on the bench. She placed a hand in the water testing it and sighed with anticipation before stepping in slowly and sinking into the depths of the bath. The scented oils that had been added swirled along the surface of the water shimmering in the firelight. All the tension in her body seemed to relax and melt away as she took the slip of cloth and the soap off the chair placed by the tub. Lathering suds into the cloth, the refreshing smell of mint and herbs greeted her as she dragged its wonderful scent all over her body. Bubbles accumulated on the water's surface mixing with the floral scents of the oils. Elayne dunked her head underwater and washed out her hair with the soap, her fingers pressing hard into her scalp to relieve the tension there as well. It was a wonderful luxury to have the hot water and scented oils to permeate her senses. Washing was more utility and necessity when traveling. Elayne never appreciated a hot bath before traveling for the Inquisition and now it had become something she savored for as long as the water still held its warmth. 

Resting her head back, her dark red hair gleamed in the firelight as fat droplets of water rolled off the curled up ends dropping onto the floor. Her hooded eyes looked out at the stars dusting the night sky, the mountain peaks looked as though they were glowing in the moonlight. It was easy to forget the turmoil the world at rare moments like this. Her mind wandered as she tried to empty it and relax, but faces haunted her behind closed lids. Better to stay somewhat alert than to completely let her guard down and let the nightmares swallow her whole. The anchor on her hand glowed under the water, a constant reminder of her responsibilities to the world. It would never let her forget her promise to defeat Corypheus. She liked how Varric had explained it-she was cursed with the worst bad luck, the only person to walk out of the Fade, survivor of the destruction of Haven after she had brought the mountain down to give the Inquisition time to evacuate the innocents. It was sheer dumb luck that she lived through those things. She still couldn't remember what happened at the Conclave. Every time she tried to recall the events leading up her arrival at the Conclave it was like her memories were taken away from her. Now she had the possibility of marriage to the King of Ferelden. What would her parents think? Never would such an arrangement have been considered before. She would have to send word to tell them about it. She started mentally composing a letter to help her find the right words when she realized the water was growing cold. Standing up, she took the towel off the chair next to the tub and started drying off. The heat of the fire kept her warm, though every now and then a slight draft would catch her and make the wet places on her skin prickle up at the cold air. Rather than feeling relaxed, her mind was too alert and awake to have hopes of falling asleep. She walked to the wardrobe and opened it to grab an outfit out when she realized there were more clothing options in the cabinet than when she had left. Quickly glancing through them, she picked out one that was casual and practical, though the colors drew her as well, the creamy white and crimson cloth making her smile. Drying out her hair as best as she could, she slipped on the new outfit and headed out of her chambers to the Herald's Rest. It felt wonderful being clean and in clean clothes and she welcomed spending time with her friends to take her mind off of what was coming the following day.

****

Cullen had been working on reports after the war room meeting. So many papers on his desk to finish reading and reporting on and somehow he nearly got through them all before the words started blurring on the papers before him. Standing up, he went outside for fresh air and to check on the guards stationed on and around the battlements. They were all still green, many had joined after Haven and had missed most of the fighting so far. He needed a little more time before he felt that they were ready to venture out on some of the missions the Inquisitor would send the forces on. He didn't realize he was rubbing the back of his neck when he thought of the Inquisitor as he continued his perimeter check. Rounding down the stairs by the tavern, he noticed the Inquisitor heading into the tavern though she didn't notice him with the bright light blinding her to the dark shadows and corners of the keep. He didn't frequent the tavern as a patron himself, though he often checked in with the bartender to make sure his soldiers weren't giving any of the patrons or staff trouble. Thankfully the recruits were awestruck following the Herald of Andraste that they stayed in line feeling as though the Maker were more keenly watching them making them more disciplined that he had expected. 

The return of the Herald certainly added to the amount of patrons in the tavern from the sounds coming from it as he crossed the practice yard heading down to check on the gatehouse guards. As he stood at the bottom of the stone staircase, he remembered when they announced the Inquisitor to the crowd of soldiers and survivors gathered below in the yard to witness the Herald accept the mantle of leading the Inquisition. They had cheered in approval as she stood overhead hoisting the sword above her head in answer to their shouts of approval. He also recalled the conversation they had after in that same spot, of how she had worried for his safety after fleeing Haven. Cullen had heard the concern and saw her try to cover up her words by hurriedly correcting herself and he couldn't help but smile recalling the way it made him feel that she had worried in particular over him.

Cullen recalled leaving her there to face Corypheus and his dragon while he was working on covering up the escape of those leaving through the secret passage. After closing the tunnels behind them as best as he could trying to ensure the forces behind them had to fight and work to reach them should she fail he crested the ridge behind everyone making sure they were all clear before he sent up the signal letting her know they were safe. When he sent up the signal, he hoped to see a sign that she was still alive, that she was still fighting. After several long heartbeats of waiting, his answer came in the form of the trebuoche firing and for a brief moment, he felt hope seeing proof that she still stood and was fighting before a loud rumbling noise punctuated with tremors shook the ground beneath his feet signaling the collapse of the mountainside nearby. A wall of rock and snow moved to engulf Haven faster than he could have imagined, much quicker than he hoped making Cullen realize that the Herald had no time to escape or find shelter. The mountain just collapsed over Haven and took out everything so quickly that it was impossible for anyone to have survived it. As he watched the dragon fly off. he knew that the threat still remained for them to face. When they had made camp and taken stock of the wounded and their provisions and things looked bleak for their survival having lost the Herald, the one person who signaled hope that they might see this through. The people following them were afraid of what was to become of them and he could see they were giving up, their spirits broken. The feeling permeated the air in their encampment. Then a scout approached him and the other advisers about someone spotting movement nearby. Pulling his sword from its scabbard, he and Leliana went to take a closer look at who or what was heading towards them. Looking at the shivering figure, he spotted the green glowing anchor shining like a beacon in the snow storm as her hand stretched out towards them.

"Its the Herald!" He called out in a commanding voice alerting the camp as he and Leliana closed the distance towards her. The Herald wasn't dressed to walk through ice and snow and her skin had a sickly pallor about it. Her emerald green eyes rolled up and closed as her body fell forward into the snow, but Cullen managed to catch her in his arms as he fell to his knees and pulling his cloak about her as best as he could. Standing up, he carried her to the camp, people surrounding him to see for themselves that indeed the Herald still lived. He watched her eyes flutter beneath her eyelids as he brought her to the area set up to care for those injured. Behind him, a murmur of people talking excitedly as the Herald returning to them started to build until an energy buzzed about the camp. The hope they all felt at having her return to them was palpable though their situation remained dire. After remaining at odds at what action to take next he heard Sister Gisselle and those around him singing a song full of hope, of finding the light in the darkness. The fire drew them towards its warmth as they sang and he found himself singing along, feeding into the feeling of hope as he shed the feeling of helplessness and despair watching the others do the same. They all looked to the Herald as they sang and many bowed or kneeled before her by the end of the song as she looked out over them all in silence. He didn't know when it started exactly, but at the moment he realized that he saw the Herald as something more than a figurehead of the Inquisition. He had known it when he had to leave her at Haven and had it confirmed when he saw her falling to her knees on the mountain pass. 

They had talked a few times while in Haven and he knew she enjoyed teasing him to see him flustered, but he wondered if her teasing was something more than just friendly flirtation. He talked himself into believing he had imagined her interest until she expressed her relief at finding him safe and well. To know that she cared and thought of him the same way, he shook his head to clear out the flights of fancy it would lead to. Whatever it was between them, nothing had materialized from that afternoon spent playing chess in the garden. They had both been too busy and unsure of how to proceed that now it may be too late for him to ever find out if there could have been anything more. With the Ferelden entourage arriving the following evening, he knew that he needed to step back and let the Inquisitor do what was best for her and the Inquisition. He had nearly forgotten of her noble birth, it was easy to forget since she never brought it up or treated everyone from commoner to noble with respect. After checking in on the gatehouse and the barracks, he headed into the tavern to check in on the bartender before heading back to his office.

****

Elayne sat with Bull and Krem enjoying the company of the Chargers. They were a good group and very likable. Bull was proud of his men and well he should be. The Chargers were a specialized group, though Elayne hesitated to use the word mercenaries since they had a better code of honor and moral obligation than those they ran into on the road. The Inquisition brought hope and purpose to people who didn't want to stand around and wait for the end to happen. People wanted to do something, to make a difference and the Inquisition beckoned them with opportunities to do so. Drinking helped dull the pain in her hand and blurred the faces of those she had failed to save. So many people, it didn't matter how many she helped, she couldn't save them all. Drinking and enjoying the company of those around her, she felt the pangs of guilt lessen with each cup. Too many people in too many places and not enough people for her to send to them, so the choice weighed on her shoulders who was to live and die. Those she had to leave to their own devices, she knew what fate she had given them. By the time she reached them, the burned out shells of homes they passed by that they swept looking for survivors often turned up charred or strung up bodies or grisly remains. They would stop and inter the remains and bodies in the hopes of bringing their souls peace; it didn't matter how badly she felt, they were dead because of her and their souls were uneasy for having been abandoned by the Herald. Drinking helped her forget all of that.

Tipping up her cup finishing off the last swallow left in it she saw Bull smiled in approval when she set her cup down, "Another round!" he called out and after a few moment a fresh mug of ale was set down before her. The stuff tasted nice enough, it wasn't her favorite drink though it went down easy and didn't hit her as hard as other drinks could. Iron Bull held up his cup and toasted, "This toast is for us all. After the shit we've just lived through, we deserve to find a little enjoyment here for ourselves before we go back out and do it all over again."

Elayne smiled over at Bull no longer surprised at how well he could read her thoughts. Ben Hassarath had trained him well and for that she was grateful to have he and his Chargers at their side. Raising her mug up in recognition of the toast, Krem clanked his mug against hers causing her to slosh a little of the ale over the side of the mug. She took a long swallow of the ale before setting the cup down before her. Bull winked at her knowingly and she smiled in return appreciating his efforts in help her lift her spirits. Standing up, she went towards the bar to wipe up the spilled beer on her hands with, something cleaner than the dirty rags the serving girls walked around mopping everything up with. She nearly ran into Cullen talkng with the bartender since she wasn't paying attention. Cullen put out a steadying hand on her elbow instinctively as her other arm shot out to grab hold of the bar top to keep from falling over.

"Cullen!" her face grew red realizing she had called him by his given name-loudly at that since she had been surprised. Taking a steadying breath she tried again sounding less surprised and more composed, "Commander." 

Cullen let go of her elbow seeing she was no longer in need of it and instead rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "Inquisitor, nice evening isn't it?" he mumble in a low voice.

She leaned in closer towards him, a confused look on her face, "What?" She asked trying to hear him over the sounds around them.

He realized she couldn't hear him and just shook his head dismissively at his awkward words not wishing to repeat them. "Nothing. I-I should be going." he said instead more clearly this time.

"You are welcome to stay and join us. Krem promised to regale us with a story of one of the Charger's more interesting jobs. He promises it will clear up why the Bull is squeamish around..." Elayne's words trailed off as she noticed how uncomfortable he looked. "Is something the matter?" Her brows knitted together as she watched him. 

Rubbing the back of his neck again, he stammered a little, "T-thank you for the invitation, but I have some work to finish up. I should be going." Cullen turned and left without another word as Elayne stood there watching with no idea what she had said that made him run off like that.

"Words falter, stutter. Always wrong." Blinking hard, she realized that Cole was sitting beside her, but she never saw or heard him take a seat. Elayne faced him, the confusion on her face evident of what she was thinking. "Hot breath on my face, warm body to hold. Hope blossomed and now gone. Must leave and not spoil it." 

Cole was silent as Elayne tried to decipher the words but their meaning escaped her. "What does it mean Cole? I haven't the ability right now to riddle out your meaning."

Frowning slightly, Cole explained, "It hurts within and without. Chains need breaking but they are too strong." Elayne shook her head unable to make sense of it still. "Bright light. Weight pressing down. Drowning but won't ask for help. Pride is strong, too strong to break. Eyes watching, dead and alive. Time is measured in blood."

Elayne understood his last explanation since it dealt with her. Closing her eyes to shut out the truth he bared to her, she closed her eyes a moment to clear her head, the cool air felt good and refreshing. Opening her eyes, she found herself on the battlements unsure of how she had gotten there. She had been at the tavern, and somehow... She looked around and saw a door to one of the towers nearby. She could descend the stairs there, reaching for the handle, she tugged and realized it was locked. She had no idea the tower doors could lock She tried once more to make sure it was locked and not just stuck. It remained steadfast and she huffed in frustration before turning around to head towards the next tower hoping her luck would improve.

"Inquisitor?" A voice called out to her and without turning around she knew it was Cullen's.

Turning around slowly, the whole world seemed to be spinning on its own, she turned to face him. "Oh, Commander. Is this..." she looked up realizing and getting her bearings a little better, "Is this your office? I seemed to be a bit turned around and lost." Cullen frowned slightly at her making her feel acutely self aware and embarrassed at how she was presenting herself. "My apologies, I didn't mean to disturb you at this late hour." She turned to head away and the world spun around again once more making her feet stumble. After a few steps trying to regain her balance, she felt an arm around her waist instantly righting her on her feet. 

"How did you manage to climb up the stairs without killing yourself?" Cullen wondered aloud mystified she was even there in the first place.

Elayne shrugged as the drink kept her from measuring her words before speaking, "Varric has this insightful theory he is working on to explain it. It is called stupidly bad luck...or stupid divine luck...or something to that effect." She waved her hand dismissively. "He promised I could read the final draft before he sends it to the printers." She heard Cullen snort in amusement at her glibness. Usually she tried to keep a professional and more formal appearance up in front of others, only her companions knew the person behind the Herald's mask. It was too hard travelling and being around them for so much time and keep up appearances the whole time, but she maintained that appearance in front of her advisers worried they would doubt her decisions or question her actions should she not keep her guard up and consider her words carefully before voicing them.

"I wouldn't trust the luck that saved you in Haven to keep you safe on your return down those steps. You may have used all of your luck up after that particular miracle." Cullen joked as he carefully guided her towards his office, his mind plotting out the most direct way to return her to her chambers. "We'll take a shortcut through Solas' office to avoid as many stairs as possible."

Elayne tried to stand on her own pulling a little away from his firm grip on her hip, "I can do it on my own. You shouldn't worry about escorting me to my quarters, you have more important matters to attend to...like commanding an army." She used a broad sweeping gesture of her arm unbalancing herself causing her to lean into the Commander more than before. "I can manage." She objected when his grip didn't lessen on her hip as he continued to guide her across the battlements and through Solas' office. They approached her chamber door and Elayne realized that Cullen meant to help her walk up the stairs to her room. "Commander." She tried to make his title sound like a command, "I am capable of managing things from here. I appreciate your assistance, but I can see myself to bed. Good evening." Cullen's feet hesitated at her determined words and her dismissal. Sensing his hesitation Elayne continued on, "Imagine what people will say if you enter my quarters at this hour General." She quirked an eyebrow up at him trying to drive her point home, "I'll be fine." she assured him stepping through the doorway. As she closed the door, she backed into the bottom step causing her to stumble backwards. 

Cullen's reflexes were quick and he caught her before she fell and hurt herself trying to hide his amusement. "Inquisitor, if you are worried about your reputation just keep in mind the quicker I help you up the stairs, the sooner I'm able to take my leave." Not waiting on her to reply, Cullen swept her up in his arms causing her arms to circle around his neck as he ascended the stairs. His hair tickled the back of her fingers and she sighed in resignation at being carried as she stopped struggling against him. The fur of his collar provided a soft cushion against her cheek in marked contrast to the cold metal breastplate that her hip was hitting against. She felt his fingers tighten on her and heard the leather of this gloves creak a little as he crested the remaining step entering her bedchambers. 

The scent of jasmine and mint hung heavy in the air enveloping them in its heady fragrance. The bath she had taken earlier was still as she had left it in her room, it wouldn't be removed until the morning. The fire had died down a little from a hot bright glow to a low burning fire casting long shadows in the room. The towels and clothing she had discarded were on the bench with her small clothes in plain view of the commander having been laid out carefully. Burying her face a little further into his mantle in embarrassment she heard his breath hitch slightly causing her to look up at him. His amber eyes held hers as the firelight cast a halo around his head. His brow was drawn down as were the corners of his lips and she found herself staring at those lips now so close to her, the scar on his upper lip and drawing her full attention. Her fingers tightened behind his neck and he shifted her slightly in his arms before setting her gently on the bed. She sat there looking up at him expectantly and she saw that expectant look mirrored back at her. Elayne's lips parted, her tongue darted out to wet them and Cullen's gaze stood transfixed on her glistening full lips. They both stayed like that for a few heartbeats, as though caught in a spell where time stopped. 

A loud pop in the fireplace broke the spell startling them both to their senses. Cullen nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "I'll take my leave. Is there anything you needed before I go?"

She shook her head, "If I can't manage things from here then you may never take your leave before the morning. Thank you Commander for making sure I made it to my chambers safely. I am sorry that I disturbed you this evening." 

Cullen shifted from one foot to the other a little uncomfortably. "I-I should go." Turning on his heel he headed down the stairs. Behind him he heard the Herald sigh punctuated by the sound of her falling onto the bed that creaked slightly beneath her. He hurried his steps so that he couldn't continue to imagine her sprawled out on the bed. When he returned to his tower, he locked up as always before heading up to his bed. Her parting words still echoing in his mind, he undressed before he fell into bed succumbing to sleep. It was the first time in a long while that he fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

****

It was late morning by the time she made it to the practice yard. 

"You're late Inquisitor." Cassandra's statement was a fact, but the woman knew how to make the words twist guilt in your guts. 

Elayne smiled apologetically at the Seeker, "I made the mistake of trying to keep up in drink with Bull and his Chargers. You can imagine the headache I awoke to." She shrugged playing it off and acting as nonchalantly as possible about it.

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, "Don't use the excuse of not feeling well when I best you in the ring." Elayne and Cassandra were both proud and competitive relishing their victories over the other in the sparring ring. 

Rolling her eyes in response, Elayne retorted, "Please, as if luck doesn't always favor the 'Herald of Andraste'." she said pitching her voice high on the title mimicking a prim Chantry sister voice causing Cassandra to smile in response. The two ladies readied their swords and shields in preparation for their match drawing many onlookers eager to watch the prowess of the Inquisitor against her Seeker. They were well balanced in styles and were an evenly matched duo. On the battlefield they fought side by side remaining protective of the other synchronizing their movements in battle to better defend against the ebb and flow of the pitched fighting around them. Cassandra smacked her shield with her sword signaling she was ready and Elayne did the same before they started to slowly circle around one another beginning the match.

While all eyes were on the pair in the center of the ring, Sera made her way easily through the crowd toward the fence surrounding the practice yard to watch the match herself. Every now and then Sera would make a bit of coin placing wagers with the onlookers, but today she had something else in mind-something that had required some advance preparation and planning. Enlisting and mobilizing help was something Sera excelled at though not everyone appreciated her talents when they ended in a prank. The Inquisitor running a little late had made her worry that she had gone through all the trouble for nothing, but now that she was here things were back on track. Perching herself on the fence, she looked around happily at her plan falling into place. These matchups could get boring and there was a sizable crowd whenever the Seeker and Inquisitor stood toe to toe in the ring. Sera waited until the fighters hit their groove in fighting and fending off the other which started to bore her. Giving a quick signal to those waiting on it, soon the sounds of water splashing from dozens of buckets that had been placed around the perimeter of the fighting ring could be heard as the fighters quickly found their footing becoming more hazardous as dirt became mud in a matter of moments. 

Cassandra used the elf's name as a curse, "Sera!" as Elayne now concentrated harder on keeping her footing through the now muddied ring. She knew Sera enjoyed creating distractions and she tried to ignore them and fight as though nothing had happened. Cassandra's brows knitted together as now they both had to hold their arms out a little to keep sword and shield balanced to maintain their footing. "I am going to kill that elf the next time I see her." Cassandra muttered the threat when her foot slipped allowing Elayne the opportunity to strike and throw her off balance. Cassandra landed on her backside in the mud with a surprised look on her face. 

The Herald laughed at the sight, "You could yield now Seeker and avoid further embarrassment."

"Come closer Herald and I'll whisper my words of surrender to you." Even sitting in mud Cassandra's training wouldn't give Elayne a good strike and she had the advantage of sweeping Elayne off her feet if she drew too near. Seeing the Herald not rise to the bait, Cassandra carefully stood back up readying her stance and flashed the Herald a smile that was predatory. 

Before Elayne could adjust her stance in the mud to defend against the attack she knew was coming, Cassandra lunged striking her shield directly, the force of the blow causing Elayne to stumble and fall on her side in the mud, though she kept her sword up catching the downward strike that Cassandra had followed up with. Bracing up on her knee keeping her guard and sword up, Elayne stood back up with a wicked smile of her own, "You want to fight dirty Seeker? Let's do this." Sera's laughter peeled over the cheering crowd as the ladies no longer worried about the mud and fought hard against the other determined to be the one left standing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lady Inquisitor Elayne Trevelyan has many hard decisions to make, one of which is considering a possible marital alliance with Ferelden. As the King of Ferelden joins the tale, the Inquisition's Commander feels as though he is buckling under the weight of his mantle.

The commotion in the yard above caught the commander's attention as he crested the stairs leading from the lower courtyard. Noticing the unusually large crowd gathered around the practice ring, Cullen knew that it meant that the Inquisitor had to be one of the combatants. The leader of the Inquisition always drew a large crowd. As he moved through the crowd drawing nearer to see the sparring match, he spied Sera sitting on the fence right as she signaled to some of the spectators watching along the perimeter of the practice yard. At her signal, water cascaded out of the upended buckets onto the sand beneath the ladies' feet. Cullen stared in stunned disbelief at the brazen prank he had just witnessed before he heard Cassandra's strangled cry. The Seeker had fallen solidly on her backside splashing into the mud. At the unexpected sight, Cullen couldn't help but laugh along with the other bemused spectators. Cassandra looked frustrated at her predicament, but the Inquisitor looked down at her with a smug look of satisfaction on her face goading the Seeker.

Rather than Sera's prank ending the fight as Cullen had suspected it might, Cassandra carefully stood back up to square off with the Herald once more. The look on the Seeker's face was determined as she set her jaw. Cullen knew that look from having faced her in practice himself and he stood there waiting on her attack. That look meant your feet needed to be planted and your guard up with your sword at the ready. In the mud, the Herald wasn't able to react as quickly to the impending attack as the Seeker suddenly surged forward. Before the Inquisitor could set her stance or have her shield up to block, Cassandra hit squarely into her knocking Elayne onto her side in the mud. Shouts and cheers erupted from the crowd in approval. Both women were now well muddied though they ignored it throwing themselves with renewed vigor into the fight. Cullen kept at a respectable and safe distance from the muddy ring since the spectators closest to the ring were wearing mud that had been slung about by the two warriors as they enthusiastically cheered the warriors on. 

The Commander knew how competitive the ladies were and he knew that this match would be the talk of the barracks for many months to come. Usually he didn't agree with Sera's antics and pranks having been the recipient of more than a few, but the commander grudgingly admitted to himself that this particular one was boosting the morale among his soldiers and new recruits looking on. As Cullen watched them trade blows in the ring, his eyes kept lingering on the Inquisitor. He found himself thinking back to that day he spent with her playing chess in the garden. It was the first time they had ever really talked about anything, he even found himself opening up and talking about his family and she had talked about hers. Cullen had meant to find another chance to meet with the Herald outside of an official capacity, but they were both always busy with more pressing matters and concerns claiming their attention. 

Another cheer erupted from the crowd breaking into his reverie as the Seeker landed in the mud once more. The mud made it difficult for the combatants to keep their footing and they were both covered in it. Elayne's long red hair was tied back away from her face, but some of the strands had slipped out and were now plastered with sweat and mud against her cheek and neck. Her face was streaked with mud hiding the dusting of freckles across her nose, but it made her green eyes sparkled brightly in contrast. Cullen's breath caught as he saw her in a way he had only glimpsed her once before; not as the Herald or Inquisitor, but as a woman who could make him trip over his tongue and make him feel as though he were an inexperienced young Templar recruit rather than the commander of the Inquisition's armies. The sound of her laughter carried over to him as she stood over Cassandra once more victorious. 

Tossing her hair back over her shoulder Elayne looked down at the Seeker laughing at the sight before her, "Do you yield?" The jovial look on Elayne's face quickly vanished as Cassandra stood up in one quick fluid movement and used the element of surprise to land an unexpected attack knocking Elayne off her feet. As the Herald fell, she kicked her leg out in a sweeping motion, the toe of her boot hooking just behind the Seeker's knee buckling it as she followed through the sweeping motion. The Seeker ended up flat on her back in the mud just as Elayne's body laid out in the mud as well, her sword's hilt and her hand buried in the mud with her shield covering her body protectively. 

As Elayne struggled to pull her sword hand free, Cassandra was able to regain her footing first looming over the Inquisitor with her sword at the Herald's throat. "I believe this match is mine Inquisitor." Cassandra stated.

Elayne looked up at the Seeker annoyed, "So it is." Cassandra held out a hand helping the Inquisitor up and they both stood there laughing and smiling at one another as the Herald congratulated Cassandra on a well fought match. Most of the onlookers stayed to wish the women congratulations and words of encouragement as they moved towards the crowd around the ring.

"Sera!" The Herald called out to the prankster elf before she could slip away in the crowd beckoning her to stay, "Everyone! Please join me in thanking the lovely Sera for making the day's match being such an amusing and challenging one!" The Herald started clapping and everyone turned their attention towards Sera and the Herald to shout out their thanks and join in the applause. Elayne made her way towards Sera smiling and laughing, Sera was beaming back at her glad that everyone had appreciated her planned prank. "It was great fun. If you had asked me, I wouldn't have agreed to it, but I am truly glad you did it." Watching Elayne intentionally keeping Sera's attention, Cullen noticed that Cassandra had slipped behind the elf unnoticed. When Elayne threw her arms wide to embrace Sera, the elf squealed in objection backing directly into Cassandra who had been waiting on the retreat. Both women held her in a muddy embrace, Cassandra from behind and Elayne standing in front of the elf hugging her slight frame against her. The Commander knew that they were strong enough to keep the wriggling squealing elf from budging. 

As he stood off to the side with an amused smile, Cassandra happened to catch sight of the general. "Inquisitor," Cassandra's eyebrow quirked as she looked over Sera's head at Elayne, "I believe our Commander may care for a celebratory hug as well."

With their attention turned toward the Commander, Sera tried to escape the warriors but to no avail, "Yes, go hug the big burly lion man!" Sera cried out trying her best to wriggle away from the ladies' muddy embrace. The Herald loosened her grip on Sera satisfied that she had become messy with the mud from the shared embrace. 

"Oh? Feeling left out Commander?" Elayne's eyebrows shot up in amusement and in question towards Cullen who started to slowly back away from the yard, his hands out before him in protest.

"It isn't necessary." Cullen called out in a commanding tone though he retreated a few steps away from the Herald and Seeker. 

"Come now Commander..." Elayne entreated him as she threw her arms out wide before her. 

The Commander looked at her in alarm remembering how they had trapped Sera and he kept his eyes on both ladies. "I-I have some duties to attend to!" The last bit was clipped and spoken a bit more excitedly as he made a hasty retreat towards the battlements as Cassandra and Elayne's laughs rang out behind him. 

Wrapping one arm around Cassandra's shoulders, Elayne smiled broadly at the Seeker. "I believe that was quite possibly the most fun I've had since joining the Inquisition."

"Inquisitor?" Josephine's voice called out in strangled shock causing Cassandra and Elayne to both stop in their tracks and turn around towards the sound of it. Standing before the two muddied laughing women was the petite adviser resplendent in a formal outfit standing alongside a group of nobles with guards that from the looks of their clothing and armor marked them as Ferelden.

Elayne's smile disappeared and her arms dropped immediately to her sides as her face flushed in embarrassment. The Ferelden delegates weren't supposed to arrive until the evening and the situation she now found herself in caught her off guard. Judging by the shocked way Josephine was staring at her, she knew that this situation could be a complete embarrassment for the Inquisition. Now to take this situation and make the best out of it. Straightening her back she knew nothing could be done for her appearance and she was unsure of how much the group saw of her match so she scanned the group picking out the monarch before respectfully bowing to him, "Your Majesty, I give you my heartfelt apology on my current state and appearance." She looked properly ashamed keeping her head bowed slightly as she continued, "We have been eagerly awaiting your visit and by your early arrival I trust that your travels were unhindered?" As all eyes were on Elayne, the Herald noticed Cassandra slowly distancing herself away from the group to try to go unnoticed. The Inquisitor's unkempt state kept the Fereldens focused on her and unaware of the Seeker who was trying to leave discreetly with her dignity and pride intact.

The Ferelden nobles were openly shocked and stunned into silence unsure of what to say or make of the Herald of Andraste greeting them in such a state. It was a rare moment indeed and Alistair was grateful that for once the chatty nobles couldn't find their tongues. Alistair had been prepared to meet the Inquisition amidst formal pomp and circumstance befitting a person of the Herald's standing and the formality of their respective side's proposed alliance. He had been expecting some larger than life figure from the stories the bards sang of; a Herald blessed by Andraste herself. As the Inquisitor stood before him muddy, sweaty and embarrassed, she was more like a child waiting to be chastised and punished for ruining their clothing than a figure blessed by the Maker's bride. 

Alistair had been a little nervous meeting the Herald well aware that his uncle was interested in arranging an alliance through marriage between the Inquisitor and himself. Shortly after the Blight ended, Teagan had paraded many eligible noble suitors before Alistair, all beautiful and enthusiastic about becoming a queen, but Alistair had turned each of them down uninterested. The Herald was only the most recent prospect in a long line of many noblewomen his uncle had suggested for his consideration. As with the others, Alistair was humoring his uncle without seriously considering the Herald as a prospect since all of the women fell short of his expectations. Seeing the mud covered woman fighting and grinning and joking with those around her, the Herald had caught him off guard. Smiling broadly at the situation he found himself in, Alistair appreciated the fact that for once he wasn't the one standing there being made to feel foolish in front of the nobles, "Inquisitor, we've been hearing of your deeds everywhere we go. It is nice to finally meet the fabled Herald of Andraste." He inclined his head towards her respectfully.

Josephine recovered from her shock at seeing the Herald and Seeker in their current state to make proper introductions of everyone making sure to avoid acknowledging Cassandra who had successfully withdrawn without notice. The adviser wondered how the Inquisitor didn't receive her message regarding the King's early arrival. That was a mystery she planned on looking into as she mentally noted to have a word with the Seeker as well.

Elayne to her benefit remained charming and formal despite her disastrous appearance after greeting the dignitaries in turn. "Your highness," she inclined her head towards Alistair, "gentlemen and ladies, it is truly a pleasure to meet you all. I will leave you in the capable hands of Lady Montilyet." Elayne quickly glanced in Josephine's direction as the adviser stood there silently observing the Herald with an unreadable look on her face. "Again, please accept my sincere apology at my greeting you in such a state." Elayne tried to make one last attempt at amends before taking her leave.

Alistair tried to ally her worries feeling a little sorry for the Inquisitor's current circumstance, "I find it refreshing to meet a noble not afraid to get dirty doing what is necessary to save Thedas." His eyes sparkled with his amusement as he gave her a courtly bow. "Until later my lady." 

Elayne looked surprised at his courtesy and graciousness. He could have perceived her greeting him and his courtiers in such a poor manner as a slight and insult. Nodding her head in appreciation of his understanding she looked over at him curiously before turning to take up her sword and shield. Avoiding Josephine's disapproving look like a guilty child in trouble, she took her leave. Josephine discreetly motioned to two servants nearby to follow her to clean up the mud she left in her wake on the Keep's stone floors. Elayne knew that Josephine would never let her forget this moment. 

****

The Commander sat behind his desk frowning as he read over one of the many reports stacked neatly on his desk. Reaching for his quill to pen a response he noticed that his hand was trembling. Casting a quick glance around his office to see if anyone was around to see the crack in his outward appearance, he let out a small sigh of relief seeing that he was alone. The tremor started to get worse so he balled his hand into a fist to gain some measure of control over it. He stood up abruptly, pushing off his desk as he started to pace about his office. His hand now tightly gripped the pommel of his sword, the leather of his gloves creaking softly as he flexed his fingers tightly around the steel while spasms shook them. Gripping his sword pommel was a habit he had formed to hide the tremors when he was in front of the others. The steel was comforting, reliable and sure unlike his own body that betrayed him as it quaked and shook from his denying it what it craved; lyrium. If only he could physically fight the addiction, but it was an opponent that was trying to slowly wear down his resolve constantly trying to tempt him into giving in and he had to remain vigilant and steadfast at each new onslaught. He was trained to fight temptation as a Templar, but he didn't know how much longer he could continue to hold out. His body was already worn down with his denying it what it wanted and craved and his mind was starting to become affected as his dreams haunted him more regularly each night. He questioned if he was starting to become affected too adversely that his ability to lead the Inquisition's forces had been compromised. The tremors were growing more frequent and stronger, affecting more than just his hands now as they worked their way up his arms and chest until he felt his whole body quake in their aftershocks. Not for the first time doubt clawed at his mind as he looked at his desk and the reports needing his immediate attention and response. 

The same doubts that kept him from seeking out and spending more time with the Inquisitor. During his better moments he convinced himself that it was due to lack of time that kept him from seeking out her company, but in these dark moments when the lyrium withdrawal and doubt wracked his body and mind, he knew the truth of why he stayed away. He was afraid of the Inquisitor seeing him like this, a broken useless man unfit to command anyone, much less a growing force. He didn't want to see her look at him with disappoint, disgust or pity, but he felt unworthy of her and her attentions. The feeling of inadequacy and hopelessness made him exhale a long breath in frustration sounding almost like a guttural growl. The messenger laying a report on his desk jumped slightly at the unexpected noise before turning and hurrying out of his office. Cullen stopped pacing and shook his head in disappointment in what he had become, his hand gripping his sword tightly as his resolve strengthened. It's time.

His feet carried him to where he knew she would be, across the courtyard he entered the blacksmith. Cassandra was standing before the fire, cleaned up after the muddy match a few hours before. She was leaning against the stone surrounding the fireplace staring into the flames. Cullen cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Commander. Is there something you need?" Cassandra regarded the Commander seeing his normally controlled and calm exterior fractured slightly.

Cullen nodded, "In good consciousness I felt I needed to come here to tell you that I feel I am no longer fit for duty as Commander of the Inquisition's forces." 

Cassandra felt herself hold back from making a strangled noise of frustration. The ex-Templar always doubted himself, always feared failing the Inquisition and she had promised him that if he were unfit for his duty as Commander then she herself would tell him, but here he was. She studied him carefully with keenly trained observation. She had already noticed the tremble in his hands which was not unexpected or new. She saw the circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep but again, that wasn't alarming. He had been holding up remarkably well, the Commander had a strong will and she knew that if anyone could overcome the cravings of lyrium it would be him. There was something more going on, something that drove him to seek her out and to declare his status to get her approval before addressing the others. "You are being ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with your ability to lead our men."

Startled at her matter of fact tone, Cullen stood there arguing at why he was unfit for command. Cassandra listened to his arguments calmly waiting until he finished. "If I felt you were unfit for command, I would have told you so myself before naming your successor." Staring at the surprise in Cullen's eyes, she continued on. "I think that there is something else that you aren't telling me. Something you are ashamed of and you are confusing your shame in that for your competency in leading our forces." 

Cullen stood before her shocked at her accusation, "There isn't anything I feel ashamed of. These tremors are coming more often and are starting to affect my work. The Inquisition deserves a commander who gives everything they can to lead its armies and--"

"And we already have that in you Commander. Unless you believe that I am incompetent in my ability to judge whether you are fit to continue to lead our armies." Cassandra cocked an eyebrow up at him in expectation of a response. Wisely, rather than continue the argument, Cullen hung his head and mumbled his apologies as he took his leave from the smithy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter since the next part is longer and I didn't want to break it up to make this part lengthier. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations about Cullen's past are brought to light as he faces a difficult choice. Time spent with Alistair shows the Inquisitor that she is more unsure of things than she had realized. Uncertainty and fears pray on Cullen, Elayne Trevelyan and Alistair in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a little liberty with how the news of Cullen's decision to quit lyrium is revealed to the Inquisitor. I do like to work with in game canon, but I sometimes I enjoy switching up details like where the information came from or how it was relayed. I try to keep the integrity of the story and characterizations but making it a little new for those readers who have played the game several times by now. :)
> 
> Also, I love Cassandra and her no nonsense attitude. She is a fantastic character and reminds me of a good friend that I respect and admire. <3

Elayne Trevelyan almost ran into the Commander as she entered the smithy as he was taking his leave. "Forgive me." he mumbled in a low voice not bothering to stop as he continued heading across the yard. 

The way Cullen spoke the words made Elayne pause. Was she imagining the pain she thought she heard behind those two words? He never once turned back as she watched him walk away. Entering the smithy, she was greeted by Cassandra who shot a glaring look at her. "What is wrong with the Commander?" Elayne asked, unable to hide her curiosity or concern.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Cassandra crossed her arms over her chest and looked over at the Inquisitor deciding where to begin. "Cullen has stopped taking lyrium." With the lack of response from Elayne, Cassandra realized she didn't understand the implications of what she had revealed. "Lyrium grants Templars their abilities. When a Templar decides to stop taking lyrium it isn't a pleasant transition. Some go mad, others die. Cullen made the decision to stop taking lyrium when he joined the Inquisition." she explained.

"What?" Elayne blurted out in shock, "Why would he stop taking it?"

"After the events he witnessed in Kirkwall, he did not wish to be bound to the Order any longer. Cullen asked me to watch him and should I consider his ability to lead compromised, then I would be responsible for letting him know it was time for him to step down." Cassandra shook her head angrily in disbelief, "He came here asking that I relieve him of his command, but I refused. Its not necessary." Cassandra's voice grew softer as she continued, "Besides, it would destroy him and he's come so far." Elayne felt helpless unsure of what to say or do. She had no idea Cullen had been going through all this alone, it was no wonder he kept to himself if he was battling the effect of the lyrium withdrawal. Cassandra watched her friend struggle to find the right questions to ask or words to say. "He and I agreed to this arrangement long before you joined the Inquisition. As a Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers. Cullen didn't approach you about this since he didn't want to--" Cassandra stopped unsure of how much to reveal, "risk your disappointment in telling you this if it weren't necessary for you to know." 

Elayne had been so worried about not disappointing her advisers that she never once stopped to consider they might feel the same way around her. She had been thrown into this situation without prior knowledge and had to keep her wits about her as she tried to figure things out. The Herald of Andraste had to be confident and sure, but the same burden would be placed on those who advised her, if not more so since they were supposed to guide her. His apology to her outside of the smithy now making sense. Cullen knew that Cassandra would tell her what was going on when he almost ran into her, he must have felt as though he was disappointing her somehow. Elayne couldn't imagine anyone more capable or inspiring to lead the Inquisition's forces than Cullen. "Is there something we can do to change his mind about leaving the Inquisition?" 

Cassandra hesitated before answering, "If anyone could, its you." Cassandra moved over towards the fire watching its flames dance and flicker, "Mages have made their suffering known, but Templars never have. They are bound to the Order, mind and soul with someone always holding their lyrium leash." The Seeker turned her gaze to Elayne once more and the Herald saw the conviction in her eyes, "Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself and anyone who would follow suit that it is possible. He can do this. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall." Cassandra gave her a look that if Elayne didn't know better she would have thought it was pleading. "Talk to him, decide if now is the time."

"If he didn't believe you, what makes you think he will listen to me when I tell him we need him to stay?"

Cassandra gave a derisive snort, "Haven't you noticed the way Cullen acts when you're around? I don't cause him to trip over his tongue, and neither Leliana or Josephine have made that man become flustered, yet around you he becomes awkward and self aware. And don't think I haven't noticed the way you purposefully tease Cullen into that state. The two of you need to stop playing games and figure out what it is you want." And with that bit of advice imparted, Cassandra turned and headed up the stairs to the loft as Elayne stood there watching the Seeker's departure with her mouth agape in surprise at her directness. Never had Cassandra ever spoken to her like that before and she felt a little embarrassed by being chastised by her.

Cassandra was right, it was time to talk with Cullen. She needed to make him see reason and hoped that he listened to her. As to how she felt about him...well...one thing to worry about at a time. First she had to convince him that she needed him-that the Inquisition needed him to lead their forces. After that...after that she would have time to figure out where to go from there. 

****

Cullen stood leaning over his desk looking down at the kit he had received the day he became a Templar. The instruments to aid his addiction lay within, waiting on him to pick them up and use them once more. It represented his weakness and desire for something that he was denying himself to have, it was a reminder of what he once was and it made him angry just looking at it. Snatching up the kit from his desk, he heaved it into the stone wall by the doorway with an anguished yell. As the box shattered against stone, Cullen stood there in shock seeing the Inquisitor narrowly being missed by the flying kit. 

"Maker's breath! I didn't hear you come in!" Cullen swore as the Inquisitor's eyebrows shot up in surprise more from the commander swearing than by the flying object that now lay broken beside her foot. "I--!" He bowed his head low closing his eyes briefly as he apologized, "Forgive me." The words were spoken quietly and Cullen wanted her to leave. He could feel the addiction weakening him and he didn't want her to see him this way.

"Cullen," She never called him by his name before whenever they were together. It felt strange to use it in such a familiar way, but as his name fell from her lips, it just felt right to use it. No hiding behind titles, no formalities; she didn't want to play games or worry over maintaining propriety. She wanted to break through the pain she saw he was in, to reach him so that he could hear what she had to say. Taking a few steps towards him she held his gaze, "if you need to talk--"

He interrupted her softly spoken words walking around his desk to face her, "You don't have to--augh!" his knees buckled and his hand hit the desk with a hard slap as he cried out in surprise. He silently cursed his body for failing him, for showing the Inquisitor just how weak he had become. Maker what she must think of me? It was almost too much to bear. She walked closer and he held out a hand waving her back, to stay away. "I never meant for this to interfere." He swore unable to look at her, to see the pity and disappointment she felt at him reflected in her eyes.

Elayne forced herself not to draw closer to him, to keep from offering him comfort. Cullen was too proud and he wanted to do this on his own, in his own way and she respected that. "Are you going to be alright?" she quietly asked him.

He heard the concern in her voice. "Yes." He answered the question automatically without thought or hesitation even though he knew it wasn't truthful. He sighed realizing she deserved at least that much from him. He noticed that way she was watching him, the worried look in her eyes, but there was no trace of pity or disappointment that he had feared to see there. Instead she stood there wanting to understand and help. "I don't know." he admitted answering more honestly. He had recovered enough strength to stand without having to brace himself up on his desk. "You once asked me what happened at Ferelden's Circle. It was taken over by abominations. The Templars...my friends...were slaughtered." He moved to stand in front of the window behind his desk looking outside at the sky as Elayne watched him. His voice grew heavy with emotion as the memories that were always haunting him were given shape through his words, "I was tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I..." he hung his head low as a strangled laugh escaping from his throat, "how can you be the same person after that?" He asked trying to convince her to understand that he was no longer that idealistic young naive Templar. "Still, I wanted to serve, so they sent me to Kirkwall." He turned away from the window to look at the Inquisitor, to face her while he confessed his actions and deeds, "There I had trusted my Knight-Commander and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness." His voice grew hard and angry that he had not seen the danger sooner, that he had not known just how much Meredith's hatred had twisted her. He was the Knight-Captain in Kirkwall, it was his responsibility to protect people against things like that and he had failed them all. "Kirkwall's Circle fell and innocent people died. Can't you see why I wanted nothing to do with that life?" His voice pleaded with her to understand why he made such a decision. He wanted her to understand why he chose to no longer take lyrium and why he would rather walk away from everything he had helped build with the Inquisition rather than allow himself to be leashed to lyrium once more. 

"Of course I understand. I--" Elayne reached out towards him and Cullen reacted angrily to her gesture meant to bring him comfort.

"Don't!" He cried out angrily at her while taking a few steps away from her. He was unworthy of her comfort and her support after all he had done and had admitted to. "I don't deserve your understanding! You should be questioning what I've done!" He started pacing back and forth by his desk like a caged animal as he spoke trying to reason with her and himself, "I thought that this would be better, that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts...won't...leave me." He sounded bitter and angry at himself for not being stronger and more resistant. "How many lives depend on our success?" He asked rounding in on her, his eyes staring at her accusingly. "I swore myself to this cause," his voice held the strength of his conviction in it, "and I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did to the Chantry! I should be taking it!" He punctuated his statement by punching the frame of his bookcase next to him hard causing the wood to creak and groan as a few of the books fell with a loud thud in the silence following his words. His voice softened as the pain in his hand grounded him and tempered his anger as he repeated the words he was trying to convince himself to believe. "I should be taking it." He stood with his back to her, his shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

Elayne took a tentative step towards Cullen closing the small distance between them. She gently reached out her hand, the anchor pulsing as she carefully touched him on the shoulder, his fur mantle lightly tickling her fingers. Keeping her voice as light as her touch, she wanted to help him to see that there was another way. "Cullen, this isn't about the Inquisition right now." He turned his head towards her and she held his gaze asking him, "Is this what you want?"

He watched her as emotions warred within him. He didn't want to fail anyone else as he had in Kirkwall...as he had in the Tower. They all deserved better, she deserved better. Letting out a shaky break he answered, "No, but these memories have always haunted me. If they become worse...if I cannot endure this..." 

He looked at her with a vulnerability that stole her breath away. He was looking at her in such a way that she suddenly realized what he wanted, why he revealed what happened at the Circle in Ferelden and in Kirkwall to her. He wanted her to decide what he should do since his choice would directly affect the Inquisition. Knowing Cullen, Elayne knew that he would honor whatever decision she made. The fact that he trusted her with this decision made her realize that what Cassandra had told her was true. He cared about her. The realization made her feel uncertain for a moment before she reminded herself to not be distracted since it wasn't the time or place to for her to be wondering about it. Right now Cullen he needed a decision from her, one that would have a profound affect on his life. Squeezing his shoulder gently, she tried to give him the strength he needed and to see how much she believed in him. She didn't want to be the one to tell him what to do, so instead, she confidently assured him, "You can. I have complete faith in you Cullen."

Cullen's eyes searched her trying to see if there was any trace of doubt in her eyes before he allowed himself a small smile, "All right." He spoke the words quietly, but Elayne could see his resolve strengthen as he straightened up. She let her hand fall from where she had laid it on his shoulder as Cullen looked a little sheepishly at her while rubbing the back of his neck. "Thank you for coming by to talk with me Inquisitor."

She couldn't help but smile at the change in Cullen quipping, "I hope that you don't revert to using my title because you have forgotten my given name Commander."

Cullen's face flushed slightly at her teasing, "Of-of course not!" He answered, the corner of his lips quirking into an enticing smile, "It is always good to see you...Elayne."

"See? That wasn't so hard now was it?" She teased as she made her way out of his office rewarded by the sound of his laughter ringing out behind her. She allowed herself a broad pleased smile as she returned to the Keep's main hall and her quarters. She was grateful her general had the chance to tell her what had been troubling him and that she had managed to convince him to stay. The look he gave her when she told him that she had faith in him...well, she was going to have to think about what she intended to do with what Cassandra had revealed to her. 

As she approached the door to her quarters, she noticed a messenger waiting by the door leading to it. Watching her as she closed the distance, the messenger held out a small slip of rolled up parchment, "Message for you Inquisitor." Elayne took the paper as the messenger hurried off. Glancing over the message from the rookery Elayne felt her smile disappear and her stomach turn unpleasantly. The words were brief, but it appeared that the bird she sent to her family the previous evening had been received. Bann Trevelyan and her brother Orren were already making their way to Skyhold having left immediately after receiving word, though she knew the letter she had taken the time to write and send by courier to Ostwick hadn't been received before their departure. At least her mother would benefit from reading the penned words she had carefully crafted to help her family understand the full measure of what was happening. 

Elayne moved to her chambers for privacy as her mind raced with what she planned to do. Being the youngest child in her family, her parents busied themselves arranging all aspects of her life far longer than they had with either of her other two siblings causing her to rebel against many of the decisions they forced upon her out of habit. As the youngest child, she had been promised to the Chantry upon coming of age and she was all to aware of how her life would play out. Already she had begun training as a templar recruit which is why she fought with a sword and shield. If it weren't for the events in Kirkwall, she would have already joined the Order and completed her training, but her family had kept her from being sent off to the Chantry. When the Conclave gathering had been discussed, her family thought that she would better suit their interests there. Elayne had felt certain her family had chosen her to attend the Conclave because they felt she would be safer there than at home where the violence from the mage rebellion was starting to spread. 

Elayne had been careful with the information she shared with her family keeping her correspondence brief and concise. She had not informed them of things like nearly being condemned for having caused the destruction at the Conclave or the true nature of Corypheus. Elayne also failed to mention that she traveled with a Qunari mercenary, an apostate elven mage, a spirit assassin or any of her other companions that she trusted her life to. She had truly relished the freedom she had with the Inquisition. Even with as much as the Inquisition demanded from her, her advisers and companions respected her decisions while following her lead. Elayne hoped her family's presence wouldn't affect that, though she knew that was a conversation she would have to have with her father and brother. Elayne knew that at some point her family would be drawn to visit Skyhold to see her, she had only wished it were not this soon. Tucking the paper in her pocket, she knew that Josephine and Leliana were already aware of her father's unannounced arrival since the Spymaster had received the message and would have sent word on to the Antivan adviser as well. Walking up the stairs to her bedchambers, Elayne shook her head trying to not think about her family and instead refocus her attention on the matters that were currently preoccupying her thoughts. 

****  
Evening repast in the main hall was usually a less formal affair, but with the arrival of the Ferelden delegates and the poor showing of the Inquisitor's first meeting with them, Josephine went above and beyond setting the tables for a small feast. Placing the King of Ferelden and his adviser along with the Inquisitor and her advisers at the head table made the most sense when she worked on the seating charts. The raven haired adviser had gone through the trouble of ensuring that the Inquisitor's companions would have plenty to drink and eat at the Herald's Rest hopefully keeping them out of the main hall. Better to take certain precautions than to live with regret in this situation. Not even leaving the Herald's appearance to chance, Josephine had sent up a gown and two servants to assist her with explicit instructions along with a not so veiled threat as to the consequences if her wishes weren't carried out. As she surveyed the room making sure everything was as it should be, the Antivan adviser saw Leliana arrive in the dining hall. The graceful bard certainly captured the attention of those in attendance there. She made her way slowly across the room stopping to talk and flatter the nobles trying to claim her attention. Leliana's demeanor was always open and delighted making her seem almost carefree though it was, as the Spymaster admitted was only a mask. A shrewd master of the game, the nobles here had no chance matching the red headed adviser, though Josephine found it entertaining to watch them try. 

Many of the guests arrived early enough to put in a proper appearance, all of them standing around talking amicably with one another. The Ferelden nobles who had arrived with King Alistair were also notably there making sure their presence was noted. When the Herald entered the dining hall Josephine breathed a small sigh of relief that she was wearing the gown she had sent up to her quarters and that she looked radiant. Her auburn hair was styled up with a few tendrils left to frame her face, her makeup was carefully applied, and the sapphire gown with crystal flowers looked better than Josephine could have imagined when she had placed the order with the dress maker. With the poor first appearance the Herald had put in with the Ferelden delegation, everything needed to be perfect in order to win them over. They could overcome the initial poor impression if they worked hard to impress them for the remainder of their visit. 

Glancing at their Ferelden guests, Josephine smiled pleased with herself noting the way they openly stared at the Herald as she made her way across the room, a stark contrast to the woman caked in mud who had greeted them earlier that day. The Inquisitor was practically glowing as she greeted the nobles gathered there while making her way towards the head table. Josephine couldn't help but look over at the King to see what he thought of the Herald and she was happy to observe him looking at her in the same stunned way as his companions. In fact, the same could be said for all gathered there in the main hall since the Inquisitor had never been presented this way. Mentally filing that observation away for later contemplation, Josephine directed the Inquisitor towards the head table where the King and the respective advisers joined them. 

Standing by his chair across from the Herald's, Cullen watched as Elayne approached the head table. He had never seen her wear anything other than well worn armor or the formal attire she favored when at Skyhold. To see her in something other than a uniform or armor, especially something that defined her figure, he couldn't help but stare. When she turned her attention to him, he inclined his head slightly towards her in greeting. "Inquisitor." He spoke the word formally, but he couldn't help the heated look he gave her or the way the corners of his lips turned up in appreciation. 

Elayne smiled at Cullen standing across the table in his Inquisition dress uniform. The man looked every inch like a Commander of the Inquisition's forces. His eyes held her in place as she looked at him appreciatively. "Commander." She answered, her own amusement showing as she reached out to claim her chair. 

"My lady, if you will allow me?" A low voice rumbled from beside her. Turning she noticed King Alistair who looked resplendent in his formal attire bowing respectfully to her. 

"Thank you your Majesty." Elayne answered as the King pulled her chair out for her to be seated. Sitting down, she felt the king gently push her seat closer to the table before claiming his own seat beside her.

Smiling over at the Herald, Alistair had gotten over his initial surprise at the Herald's formal appearance. Having met her covered in mud, he had no idea just how beautiful the Inquisitor was before seeing her arrive in the dinner hall. It was a very pleasant surprise, though noticing the reactions of the others in the hall, he knew he wasn't the only one caught unaware. "You clean up well Inquisitor." Alistair teased with a mischievous glint in his eye. 

Elayne laughed at the glib observation, "As do you, your Majesty." She complimented Alistair and noticed how he straightened his up a little more as his smile grew a little broader. Elayne filed the observation of him taking well to compliments away as she looked around at the others gathered at the table.

Josephine took her seat beside the Inquisitor as the rest of the group settled in around the table. The adviser felt pleased at how everything looked casting a quick glance around the table as everyone settled in around the table. The servants laid out the food before them removing the tray covers and pouring wine into their glasses as she had instructed them to do. It was all going so well that Josephine couldn't help but think this night would work out better than expected. 

There was some murmuring around the dining hall as everyone else followed suit to sit down for their meals before those in attendance looked towards the head table, more precisely to the Inquisitor expectantly. Elayne couldn't help feeling on display, the gown she wore was cut low, not so low to be immodest, but lower than Elayne preferred. The corset underneath reminded her of how much she loved breathing as it constricted her pressing her ribs in and her breasts out displaying a figure she could naturally never possess. It was all part of putting in appearances and she quietly suffered through it as she had when she was younger and living at home in the Free Marches. Not for the first time this evening she found herself wondering if the corset was additional punishment created by Josephine for being caked in mud earlier. 

Seeing everyone in the dining hall were now seated, Elayne took her goblet in hand standing to address everyone assembled there. "Your Majesty," she inclined her head towards the King, "lords and ladies, I know many of you have traveled great distances for our help or to be heard. This evening as we dine, may we keep our thoughts with our loved ones and our respective people hoping for their continued safety. With your help, the Inquisition can be the shield that helps protect them as well as the instrument in which to strike against Corypheus. May we all stand united against whatever is to come, but let us all not forget to enjoy moments like these that are granted to us. May Andraste's blessings be with us all." She took a sip of her wine to honor the toast and its heartfelt meaning before reclaiming her seat. 

Alistair's voice close beside her nearly made her jump, "You certainly have a way with words Herald of Andraste." The King had leaned in a little closer towards Elayne to speak to her and his close proximity was both casual and intimate. 

Elayne looked over at him trying to take full measure of the man and what he meant by his statement. Was he truly being sincere, or did his words hold a deeper meaning? He stared back at her without any trace of irony or insincerity in his honey colored eyes. The King of Ferelden was either a better player at the game than she was led to believe, or he was being very open with her. She hoped for the latter though she prepared herself if she was wrong, "I truly believe that the only way to bring down Corypheus is to unite the nations into one force to fight his army. What he is capable of, the plans he has made..." she couldn't quite hide the shiver that ran down her spine at the chilling thought of how easily Corypheus could defeat them if left unchecked. Even the rifts were enough of a distraction to keep them from stopping him if they didn't have the anchor to seal them. She shrugged her shoulders slightly trying to dismiss her worries and serious words, but she had been more honest than she initially intended. With Josephine listening in to every word she spoke, the Commander's watchful eyes, and Alistair's attention, Elayne was very self aware. "I shouldn't bring up unpleasant topics when there is a wonderful feast before us to enjoy." She gestured towards the trays of food before them and everyone started helping their plates to the sliced meat, cheese, roasted vegetables and fresh baked rolls before them. Unsure of how much she would be able to eat with the corset keeping her from even breathing comfortably had Elayne take only a sampling from each tray. Slicing her meat into small bites, she cast a quick glance at Josephine hoping this was the last time she would need to don a corset during the King's visit. 

They all sat in a comfortable silence enjoying the meal when Leliana complimented Alistair, "So, Ferelden is recovering nicely under your leadership your majesty." The bard smiled knowingly at Alistair, "I am glad that you are doing well and seem to be happy." 

The look on Alistair's face was unreadable as he looked over at Leliana. She always had a silver tongue and a way with words that possessed hidden meanings and implications within. Now that she was a Spymaster Alistair couldn't help but wonder how much she truly knew of him since they parted ways. Leliana knew that Alistair protested at taking on the responsibilities of the throne arguing that he wouldn't make a good king when the Warden insisted that he go through with it. He had done as the Warden had asked him, he had loved Elissa Cousland, how could he not agree with her decision at the Landsmeet when she believed in him? When they faced the archdemon in Denerim, Elissa had ordered him to stay with the soldiers on the ground to keep the darkspawn from climbing up into the tower to flank her party. She told him that he was too important to risk, that he had a nation to lead as she left him behind. The guilt he felt for not following her up the tower, of not letting her know that he planned to marry her, damned the consequences of him taking a fellow Grey Warden as his wife all ate away at him. Alistair had been angry for a long while, at everyone including himself. He had lost track of his fellow companions as he tried to become the man Elissa thought him to be and the ruler that Ferelden needed since he swore to himself that he would never let her sacrifice be in vain. "As you can see, I haven't ended up lost and all articles of clothing are currently present and accounted for." he joked dryly. Leliana looked surprised at the tone in his voice choosing to return her attention to her plate rather than comment further as the tension left by their exchange hung heavy in the air. 

Looking around the table, everyone was busying themselves by eating and avoiding eye contact so Elayne decided to redirect the conversation, "What do you think of Skyhold King Alistair? Is it what you expected?" 

Alistair looked a little relieved by the change in subject, "It has exceeded my expectations from what I have had a chance to observe so far. I will admit to being disappointed to find that Skyhold doesn't have a mabari kennel. Not that I mind having my mabari stay with me, but this is Ferelden and it is remarkable that a hold as large as this would be without one."

Elayne hadn't thought about kennels though the keep certainly had room enough to house one. Turning towards her commander, she asked, "Commander Cullen," she waited until she had his attention before asking, "what do you think about the addition of kennels to Skyhold?" 

Her voice had drawn Cullen's attention away from the idle chatter Josephine had been engaging him in though he saw the sharp eye his fellow adviser was keeping on the Herald. Cullen didn't mind since he wasn't one to discuss politics and was grateful for the distraction. "The kennels wouldn't take up much space, but we will need to find those able to care and handle mabari. Other than a few additional staff members to be hired and deciding on a location for the kennels, I don't foresee any issues with adding one while we are renovating the keep." Cullen reasoned aloud. 

"Wonderful." Elayne smiled broadly at Cullen glad for a direct and positive response to her question though she couldn't help but notice the idea excited the Commander as well. He was Ferelden after all and they did adore their mabari, "The next time you visit Skyhold we will try to remedy that oversight your majesty." Elayne flashed another grateful smile to Cullen who had returned his attention to his plate. Looking down at her own plate, she speared a small slice of cheese on her fork to sample. It was unexpectedly delicious, so different from their usual selection of cheeses and she savored the flavors as it hit her tongue as her fork speared a larger slice to enjoy. 

Alistair looked on with a pleased smirk noticing how much she was enjoying the cheese. The Herald quirked an eyebrow at him when she realized he was watching her. "We brought the cheese in from Ferelden, it is one of my favorites and I thought the Inquisition and your guests would find it enjoyable as well." He popped a piece of cheese into his mouth and hummed in appreciation.

Elayne sampled another bite enjoying the creamy texture and taste. "It is delicious and greatly appreciated. The cheeses we have here are aged longer and are sharper in taste." She explained before taking a sip of her wine. The mingling flavors on her tongue from the wine and cheese made her eyes widen a little in surprise at the unexpectedly delicious combination. 

Alistair smiled smugly pleased that she was enjoying it so much. "Once trade routes are secured between Skyhold and Denerim, I will be sure to send over a wheel of cheese for you to enjoy."

Bann Teagan spoke up, "Your majesty, I hope you aren't boring the Inquisitor with talks of cheese." A pained look crossed King Alistair's face, not unlike a child who was being scolded.

Speaking up, Elayne answered before Alistair thought of a response, "Quite the contrary Bann Teagan, he is offering me a delicious incentive to have the Inquisition stabilize trade routes and ensure safer traveling conditions for commerce." The Inquisitor smiled broadly at the Bann as Alistair couldn't help but stare at her in surprise. He hadn't expected her to come to his defense. 

The Bann looked surprised as well as pleased, "Well, then, please carry on." Teagan returned his attention to the beautiful bard sitting across from him.

Leaning closer towards the Herald, Alistair kept his voice low, "Thank you for coming to my rescue." 

Elayne gave him a sympathetic look joking, "My pleasure. When you see me in danger of being corrected, please feel free to return the favor." 

Alistair gave a genuine heartfelt laugh. It had been too long since he had found someone who truly understood the situations he had faced and had to deal with. Once a hero, now a leader of a nation, he faced all of these things alone and for many years. The majority of Ferelden's nobles had never taken up a sword when the Blight hit their lands, many went untouched in their holdings while their outlying farms and countryside were being razed by the darkspawn. None of them understood war, of being a part of a force that stood at the front and faced the worst dangers head on. For the first time since losing Elissa, he felt as though he may not be as alone as he once thought. The idea gave him a small measure of hope. "So, my Lady Inquisitor." Alistair held her gaze as he claimed her attention once more, "Ferelden has been hearing tales of your heroic deeds and adventures which have been popular with the bards, though I must admit I find the tale of you fighting a garrison of guards without any pants on the most entertaining." The King smiled and Elayne saw the way his eyes sparkled with mischief and amusement. "Is the story true?"

She couldn't help but laugh recalling the unusual fight as she noticed Cullen's attention had returned to her as he showed an interest in hearing this tale as well. "It is, though admittedly it was an unusual circumstance even for us." Elayne wished that Varric were there to tell the tale justly, "It started with a cryptic note instructing us to arrive in the dead of night to the barracks to meet with a contact. It turned out that the contact had a wicked sense of humor and that she thought it would be amusing to deprive the men stationed within the barracks of their pants before the alarm sounded." Elayne smiled remembering the surprise and shock of her and her companions at the soldiers they faced off with. "One of my companions asked our contact why she took the soldiers' pants and not their swords and she laughed replying, 'Because...no pants!' as they attacked our group. We ended up leaving there with three large sacks filled with pants. It was certainly one of our more memorable encounters." Cullen snickered in amusement knowing Sera and her tricks.

The king laughed picturing such a fight. "That must have been quite a fight!" He sighed wistfully, "Sometimes I miss the days I spent adventuring, though at the time I couldn't wait to be done with all the fighting and the constant traveling across the countryside. Funny how sitting around a bunch of nobles you can't kill makes you long for days like that again."

"You and the Hero of Ferelden ended the Blight-you faced an archdemon!" Elayne looked over at the king in genuine admiration as she spoke, "The tales sung are still inspiring if a little difficult to believe. I suspect you have quite a few interesting tales to tell yourself your Majesty." 

"Indeed. The group I traveled with were...unique." Alistair glanced over at Leliana briefly before continuing, "One of them was an assassin hired by Loghain to dispose of the Warden and myself. Thankfully for us, things didn't work out the way he had planned and the Warden thought it would be prudent to have him work with us. I brought up objections that he wasn't a very good assassin, but in the end, he joined our little party. Shame he never had the knack for picking locks." A thoughtful look crossed his handsome features, "We did have some great adventures, but those days are long gone and we've all gone our separate ways once the Blight ended." His voice was tinged with sadness and regret at the same time. 

Elayne felt sorry she had brought up something that he was pained by recalling and tried to cheer him up. "You should consider joining the Inquisition then your majesty. There is no shortage of dangers to face, demons to kill, or problems to solve." She winked at him to show she was teasing. 

Alistair leaned in towards her holding her gaze while his eyes sparkled with amusement, "You have no idea how tempting your offer is Lady Inquisitor." 

Elayne had to keep herself composed under his intense gaze. She saw hunger lying just beneath the surface. She forced her eyes to look away from him as she felt her face flush slightly from his comment and attention. The King was very charming in his boyish way and his compliments and conversation had been kept friendly and entertaining throughout the evening. Now however, she saw something more that scared her, something she wasn't sure how to respond to. She couldn't help but wonder what his true intentions were yet again as they spent the remainder of their time at dinner chatting amicably about almost everything keeping the conversation light and friendly.

As the hour grew late, the hall slowly emptied out and grew quieter as people took their leave, many of them stopping by the head table to thank their hosts and to greet the honored guests. Leliana and Cullen had already excused themselves shortly after finishing their meals explaining they had work to get back to. The Bann and Josephine remained at the table making Elayne feel as though she and the King were being chaperoned. King Alistair was better at ignoring his adviser than she was at not feeling Josephine weighing and measuring each of her words any time she opened her mouth to speak. Even with uncertainty stirring within her, it had turned out to be a very pleasant evening and Elayne couldn't help feel a little disappointed when the time came to say their farewells for the evening.

As Alistair wished her good night, he took her hand in his brushing his lips gently across her knuckles. He felt her fingers tremble slightly as his breath fanned across them. He noticed her skin prickle slightly from his unexpected gesture and the reaction her body had to his. He lingered only a moment longer than necessary before he released her hand from his trying to not worry if the reaction she had to him was because she was displeased by his attention. As he straightened back up, the blush spreading across her cheeks revealed that she had indeed appreciated it. "It has been an pleasure getting to know you Herald."

"The pleasure has been mine your grace." Elayne gave a deep curtsy bowing her head respectfully before rising. Bann Teagan offered his farewells before turning towards Alistair to leave. 

Josephine stood alongside Elayne watching as the men took their leave from them. She had waited for them to be out of earshot before she asked the Inquisitor, "I believe that went better than we could have hoped for."

Elayne thought of the evening, of how pleasant the King's company was and how much she truly enjoyed it. "Indeed." The word was weighted with uncertainty. "Thank you for making sure that everything went as well as it did."

Josephine looked at the Herald knowingly, "I was not the only one who worked hard to ensure it went smoothly. You handled the King very well this evening."

"Lets hope that I can handle my father and brother equally as well when they arrive." Elayne's hand went over her stomach that contained more chilled wine than food. "I trust that there are no more formal engagements that will require corsets in the near future?"

Elayne saw Josephine try to not smile so openly, the corners of the woman's lips twitching in effort to conceal her amusement, "I can't promise there won't be any, but I can try to...limit...the frequency if that sounds like a fair compromise?"

It wasn't a fair compromise, but Elayne agreed to it anyway, "Agreed." She couldn't help but feel resigned, "I need to see to one other matter tonite before turning in. Good evening Lady Montilyet." 

"Good evening Lady Inquisitor." Josephine returned just as formally as Elayne took her leave. Glancing around the room once more, Josephine gave a few more orders to the servants there before heading to her own office to take care of a few matters of her own.

**Author's Note:**

> I am completely new to this, so any advice or critique is extremely appreciated and welcome! Thank you to Amanda and Alyssa, two Cullenites sweet enough to read through this to make sure I didn't make a complete fool of myself. 
> 
> I truly hope you enjoyed it!


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